Once
Upon
a
Typewriter
Draft
#7 Ed Ackerman
June
1994
"Once
Upon a Typewriter"
Screenplay
for an animated film
Draft
#7 June 1994 by Ed Ackerman
(revised
from draft #6 May 1986) by Ed Ackerman & Steve George
Note:Any
dialogue in bold,
is spoken by the narrator.It
is to be typed on paper in sync with the narrator's voice, syllable by
syllable.Bold text (ie. a newspaper
story) is also to be spoken by the narrator.Italicised
words are sound effects.The characters
in this film are the letters of the Alphabet, abcdefghijklmn opqrstuvwxyz,
you know them.In this film they
play themselves, but have no legs, eyes, or mouths.They
are just typed letters, animated on paper and other surfaces.The
acting in this film will depend solely on the voices, sound effects, narration
and the movements of the letters.Good
luck.
FADE
IN FROM BLACK
A
dark cluttered attic is illuminated by a single light bulb, suspended from
a frayed electrical cord.From a
low angle (a mouse-eye-view), the camera moves along the floor passing
neglected relics: old books, stacks of parchment paper, film tins, phonograph
records, a wooden writing slate, a film projector, a scroll of script,
sheets of papyrus, leather maps, chiselled stone, painted rocks and a telephone.The
camera moves towards a manual typewriter.With
a clap of thunder, “boom", the light goes out.
In
the brief darkness sounds are heard: (wind, rain on the roof, a typewriter
and a typewriter bell)."Ssssshhhhh",
"Ppppssssssss", "Pip pip pip pip", "Click click click click", "Ding".
The
light comes on.The camera moves
slowly towards a stack of dust covered film tins.The
sound of the storm intensifies.A
sudden gust of wind blows away the dust "swoosh” revealing the label:
The
National Film Board of Canada
Once
Upon A Typewriter"
A
clap of thunder, "boom".The
light flicks off.For a split second
the sound of paper is heard being ripped out of a typewriter "Schreeeeek",
followed by the creaking "ticiticticitictic” of a new sheet of paper
rolling into the typewriter carriage.
The
light comes back on.The camera
dollies towards the dark, looming, typewriter.The
haunting sound of organ music and hesitant clicks of typing, echo from
within the typewriter, "click, click, click, click".The
camera carefully climbs up the front steps of the typewriter keys, "click...click...click...click...”
up towards the blank page.
Animated
words type themselves onto the paper.The
narrator, (that can assume in any accent), speaks each word in sync, as
it appears:
Narrator:(in
a deep male Romanian accent)
"It
was a dark and stormy night."
The
camera moves closer and closer to the surface of the paper.The
words "stormy night" fill the screen.With
clap of thunder "boom", the letters, stormy night
break apart, out of formation, and are suddenly animated with a life of
their own.
The
letter h, the letter g, and the letter t bounce
up and down and laugh amongst themselves.
h,
g, t:
"ha
ha ha ha ha"
The
letter o mockingly drops into the frame.
o:
"Oooooooooh".
The
letter n and the letter i say to the letter o
nandi:
(together)
"Oooooooooh,
very scary"
e:
"Eeeeeeks"
In
a snap zoom out, the camera catches another sentence being typed.
Narrator:
(polite news caster)
"Welcome
to the Alphabet.
Said
the Narrator."
As
soon as the word Alphabet is spoken xxxxxxxx is typed over
it (Welcome to the xxxxxxxx).
x:
"xxxxxxxx"
A
snap zoom into the word Alphabet (with the xxxxxxxx's over
top of it), just as the letters are breaking out of formation.The
camera zooms into the letter a as all of the x's group into
one single x.
a:
"What
did you do that for?"
x:
"Well,
that's not the way you start a story."
a:
"We're
the characters.Agree?We
have
to
be introduced.Agree?"
x:
"But
you don't start out like, hi we're
the
characters, how's it going eh?
A
snap zoom out, to catch the new words being formed.
Narrator:
(In a very smug, condescending tone)
"This
is my Alphabet.It is a very
happy
Alphabet.Working
together they can
produce
any word that I want.Today
is
a
very special day.The letters are
going
to
tell their own story."
s:
"You
say that every day.You have always
said that."
Narrator:
"And,
what a good story it is.There was
a
time when vowels stuck with other vowels,
and
consonants stuck with other consonants.
The
letters couldn't co-operate to produce
even
the tiniest word."
The
camera pulls out, to a fairly wide shot.A
group of vowels and a group of consonants are on either side of the metal
spacer bars of the Underwood typewriter.An
a walks away from the group of vowels and across the blank space
between the two groups of letters.
At
the centre of the screen the a stops still.An
n walks up from the right side of the screen, and stops close to
the a, forming the word an.
Narrator:
"an"
A
d then bounces into the frame.The
d jumps around the stationary an, laughing hysterically.
d:
"Ha,
ha, ha,ha."
The
a and the n run towards the d.The
d jumps out of the way.The
a and the n chase after the d managing to wedge it
between them.The d is held
still, between the a
and the n.The
n carefully moves in between the a and the d.The
word and is formed triumphantly.
Narrator:
"and"
As
soon as the three letters are united in the word and,
the
d tumbles away, to the opposite side of the screen, laughing.
d:
"Ha,
ha, ha."
a:
"You
can't depend on d.Consonants
don't
know their place."
n:
"Oh
yea.What's a consonants place?"
a:
"Being
kicked around."
The
a runs off, to the left side of the screen, then returns with the
rest of the vowels: a, i, e,
o, u.The
e kicks the d over to the i.The
vowels play a game of keep-away, so that the n can not get to the
d.
The
camera moves away from the vowels (that are still kicking the d
from one to another).The camera
follows the n as it walks to the right.
The
n has given up helping the d.The
n is by itself on the screen.The
sound of the d being kicked around can still be heard in the distance.Suddenly
the d comes flying through the air and lands flat on it's side in
front of the n.The n
helps d to get up to a standing position and asks:
n:
"Are
you alright?Those vowels
think
they are everything."
The
n and the d walk off to the right together until they arrive
and are surrounded by the group of consonants.
n:
"The
vowels have been kicking d
around
again."
Consonants:
(all
talk at once)
The
entire group of consonants then march off in unison towards the vowels.The
d and the n are surprised at the sudden response of the
crowd
of consonants.The d and n
follow the crowd.
CUT
TO:
A
wide shot of the group of consonants crossing the white space. The consonants
walk up to the group of vowels, that are standing in a group on the left
side of the screen.
CLOSE
UP:
A
narrow space separates the two groups of letters.The
letters fill the screen.The letter
t says to the letter a:
t:
"How's
it going, eh?"
The
a is in the center of the line of vowels.The
a leads an attack in a wedge-like formation.The
situation turns to chaos.Letters
fly all over the screen.Only the
top half of the screen is left clear.
Narrator:
"The
only time the Alphabet would work
together,
was when they were fighting."
There
is a jumble of chaotic letters at the bottom of the screen.The
letters jump up and smash into each other.They
form words, and fall back down.The
o is tossed up into the middle of the screen, above the rest of
the fighting Alphabet.The p
and the w jump up and crash into the
o to form the word pow.
Narrator:
"pow"
The
o screams:
o:
"Ohhhhhhhh!"
The
three letters, p, o,and
w, fall back into the mass
of letters.Other words are formed
the same way; crash, smash, aaaargh, zap, and
bam.
Narrator:
"crash,
smash, aaaargh, zap."
When
the word bam comes up, the b and the m sandwich the
a.The a is tossed
into the air from the force of the collision.
Narrator:
"bam"
The
a is hit and tossed into the air a second time by the b and
the m.
Narrator:
"bam"
The
a is hit and tossed into the air a third time.
Narrator:
"bam"
But
the forth time, when the a is falling back towards the mass of letters
and is about to be hit by the b and the m, it falls past
oo.Instead of the b
and m hitting the a to make the word bam, the b
and the m hit the oo and form the word boom.
Narrator:
"boom"
The
word boom blows up, sending the letters out of the screen in all
directions.The screen is left blank.Gradually
words fall down to the bottom of the screen: clunk, thud,
crunch, boing, bump, bang, smack, punch,
jab, kick, knock, jolt, flop,.
Narrator:
"clunk,
thud, crunch, boing, bump, bang,
smack,
punch, jab, kick, knock, jolt, flop."
These
words pile up one by one.The camera
moves to the right from the pile of words to a single letter p.
Narrator:
But
there were two letters who
changed
all of that, though they
didn't
really intend to.You see,
p
wanted to be a vowel.
The
camera moves in close.The letter
p starts walking until he comes to a group of vowels, dancing in
a small circle.
p:
"Can
I join?"
The
group of vowels stop their circle dance.The
letter o ends up being the closest vowel to the letter p."
o:
"Hey
guys, this consonant wants to
join
our club."
The
vowels jump up and down laughing.They
organize themselves into a line.Each
letter makes a vowel sound.
Vowels:
(sing)
"aaaa,eeeee,iiii,oooo,uuuu"
They
harmonize in a barber shop quartet style, rising into an inverted v shape,
as they reach their final note, the p stands by and watches.
o:
"Can
you make sounds like that?"
The
letter p tries.The p
ends up doing a rythmic set of p sounds.
p:
"Pppp
pp ppp pp pppp pp pppp pp."
The
sounds that the p makes are impressive on their own, but of course
are not vowel-like.The vowels all
cheer and make their own vowel sounds acting as if they like the performance.
Vowels:
(all together):
"EeeeiiiiiiiaaaaOoooooohhhh
aaaaaahhhh"
p:
"So
am I in?
Vowels:
"Ooooooohhhhh"
p:
"Am
I in your club?"
o:
"Get
out ta here."
Vowels:
(All together)
"ha,
ha, ha, ha."
The
p walks away, dejected.
Narrator:
"And
then there was s.She wanted
to
be the first letter of every word."
Extreme
close up on the letter s.The
s moves out of frame.
CUT
TO:
Medium
shot of the word bike.
Narrator:
"bike"
The
s whips in front of the word bike to make it sbike.
Narrator:
"sbike"
The
word sbike moves up, out of frame.The
word food appears.
Narrator:
"food"
The
s drops down to meet, the word food, making it sfood.
Narrator:
"sfood"
The
word sfood shakes and then drops out of frame.The
word fun appears.
Narrator:
"fun"
The
word fun moves into centre of the frame, from the right.The
letter s zooms up from the bottom of the frame.The
letter s kicks the letter f out of the frame.
Narrator:
"sun"
The
f eventually drops back down, to knock the letter s out of
the word sun, making the word fun again.
Narrator:
"fun"
The
s falls down out of the frame.The
camera then moves down to the direction of where s fell.
Narrator:
"Well,
the other letters didn't like that
much,
and soon the p and the s found
themselves
without any friends."
The
letter cram appears.
Narrator:
"cram"
The
s falls in front of the word cram, making it scram.
Narrator:
"scram"
The
word scram spins around full circle, bangs, and catapults the letter
out of the frame, leaving the word cram, again.
Narrator:
"One
day, something happened."
CUT
TO:
Extreme
close up of the letter p walking from right to left.The
letter s flies through the air, and slams right into the letter
p.The two letters tumble
over and over until they come to a stop.
Narrator:
"It
was love at first sight."
The
letter p and the letter s multiply themselves and form themselves
into a heart shape made of p's and s's.They
pull themselves back together into a single p and s.They
start walking.
p:
"Why
don't we leave this place?"
The
letters p and s walk left, past other vowels and consonants.The
two letters are jeered.The h
and the a get together and laugh at the two renegade letters as
they walk past, ha, ha ha ha ha.
Narrator:(squeaky
and immature voice)
"ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha.Said
the letters."
As
the two letters get farther left, the rest of the Alphabet forms larger
words: good riddance, and we don't need you any more.
Narrator:
"Good
riddance, we don't need you
any
more.Said the letters."
Narrator:
(condescending, slightly
unsympathetic
story telling voice)
"And
so p and s leave the Alphabet to find
a
place where they can be themselves."